Moses or Jesus?
by Soul Reflection
Summary: Kyle falls for Kristina Christ, who just so happened to be Jesus Christ's new adopted daughter and the new kid in the class. When he starts to date her, his parents go nuts, saying that he shouldn't go out with a Christian, but with a jew. Will he follow
1. Jesus Kristina ?

First time writing a South Park f.fic so bare with me! My chapters at times tend to be somewhat long and of course, I don't own South Park, but I do own my made-up character and the plot. ;)

**Chapter 1**

**Jesus..Kristina?**

"Dude, where's Cartman? He said he'll tell us somethin' important. ." Stan Marsh asked his friend Kyle Broflovski, as they stood on the usual Monday morning by the usual bus stop waiting for the school bus.

"How should I know? Anyway, what would he have to tell us? Prob'ly his mom got him a cool toy or something".

As if on cue, Eric Cartman ran to the bus stop and stopped when he reached Stan and Kyle, out of breath.

"You guys...you guys..guess what? GUESS WHAT!"

"What!" Asked Stan and Kyle at the same time.

"..I...got..a myspace!"

Silence.

". . . Dude, what the fuck is a myspace? " asked Kyle after a good minute.

"You..you don't know what a myspace is? " Cartman in disbelief "Well, maybe 'cause you're a good for nothing jew!"

Kyle frowned

"At least I'm not a fatass, fatass!" Kyle said, pointing at him.

"Go back to San Fransisco where you belong you jew!" Cartman cried out, getting pissed off.

" Dude, at least his mom isn't on the cover of the Crack whore magazine!" Stan shot out in Kyle's defense

"...eh..eh..eh!" Cartman was in loss of words, "CAN'T WE STOP IT WITH THAT?"

Kenny McCormick arrived last, as usual

"Hey..Kenny! Do you know what a myspace is?" Cartman asked him.

Kenny nodded

"um hum! mim ho huhum!" Kenny replied, who actually meant: _Uh-huh, it's so awesome_!

Cartman grinned and eyed the other two boys.

"See, even though Kenny is poor, he knows what a myspace is! " Cartmen replied, stick his tongue out.

Finally the bus came in, with Mrs. Crabtree opening the door.

"Get in, We're runnin' late!" Said Mrs.Grabtree harshly.

"Oh, we're always running late, you piece of shit!" Stan shot back.

"WHAT..DID..YOU SAY!" Exclaimed the mean, half-deaf bus driver

" I said I don't like getting hit." Stan replied casually.

"Oh. Neither do I".. Mrs.Crabtree replied, as the four boys one by one got in the bus.

And off the South Park Elementry they went.

* * *

"Well girls and boys, I've got some exciting news for you all!" Mr.Garrison replied as the last of his students sat down.

"That's right Mr.Garrison!" Mr.Hat, Mr.Garrison's longlife puppet companion said, "A brand new student who just moved in from New York City!"

Everyone was pretty interested; A new student from N.Y.C? Who would want to move from that grat city to the little slump they called their town?

"She's a hispanic little girl ( Yes, Token, you won't be the only colored kid in this room) and goes by the name of Kristina Christ!"

"Christ? That's like, Jesus' name." Cartman replied, smirking, " what is she, Jesus' kid?"

The other kids snickered, as Mr.Garrison frowned.

"Yup, actually she is." He replied, making everyone shut up, all eyes on him.

" Jesus adopted her. .because he wanted to known how it felt to be a daddy." Mr. Hat told the class, nodded.

The class remained silent.

"So, please welcome Kristina!"

As Kristina Christ entered, Kyle then found himself staring; Kristina was a pretty little tan girl of average height, a bit slender, with curly hair into two low pigtails and nice hazel eyes. She wore a black jacket with nice red gloves.

Kristina looked at the class as Mr.Garrison piped in.

"Try to be nice to her class, okay? Kristina, you can sit next to Kyle" He told her, pointing at Kyle.

Kyle felt his stomach start to lurch as she went and sat next to him. He tried to catch a glimpse at her but she saw him and waved. He blushed and waved back, looking away. He heard Cartmen snicker

"Nice move, jew." Cartmen whispered to him, nudging in on the ribs.

"Shut the fuck up , fag! "Kyle whispered angerily back, only to be caught by Mr. Hat.

"Kyle, is there something you want to tell the class?" Asked Mr. Hat.

"I--uh..well..you see.." Kyle started, only to be interupt by Kristina.

"Oh, he was just telling me what lesson we're up to in our Math books, Mr. Hat." Replied Kristina, looking at at puppet innocently.

"Alrighty then. Anyway..we'll be learning division---"

Kyle couldn't believe it; She covered up from him. He looked at her again, as she opened up her textbook.

And for some reason, he actually started then to like math. . .

_end._


	2. Mexican is NOT a language

Chapter 2

Mexican is NOT a language!

It was lunch time, and Kyle, Stan, and Kenny were on the lunch line.

" Where the hell is Cartman?" Asked Stan after a couple of minutes.

" No Idea, dude." Responded Kyle, looking around.

" Hm ham him humm himhihm! Kenny said. **Translation**_I saw him with Kristina!_

" Kristina! Why the hell would he be.. with Kristina! Kyle exploded, stomping him foot.

Stan and Kenny stared.

" Dude, why the fuck would you care? Unless--" Stan began

Then, Cartman ran to them, Kristina following.

" DUDE.. DUDE. KRISTINA IS SO COOL! SHE CAN SPIT IN THE AIR..AND CATCH IT IN HER MOUTH!" Cartman exclaimed, pointing at her.

" Dude, you can do that?" Stan asked, excited.

" Yup." Kristina said with grin.

A couple of other boys started to crowd around the five of them

" Show us, Tina" a fourth grade said, sort of begging her

" Yeah!" All the boys cried in unison.

Kristina nodded and waved out, telling them to move back. The boys did, excited. She then looked up, then started to made a nasty sound with her mouth. Then, she shot out spit, in a shape of a ball, going up really high.

All the boys went " o0o0o0o" at seeing this perfectly shaped spit-ball. Then, as it came down, Kristina opened her mouth and caught her spit perfectly. The boys clapped and cheered, saying

" That was soo cool!" And " Kristina, that was awesome!"

After the other boys went away, the five of them finally got to the Chef.

" Hey chef. What's for lunch today?" Asked Stan.

" Fried chicken and mashed potatoes." The Chef replied, serving Cartman.

But then he stopped and looked at Kristina.

" And who are you little girl?"

" Kristina." She replied, holding out her tray.

" Nice to meet you, Kristina. Hm..are you a New Yorker?" Asked the Chew, serving her lunch.

" Yeah, how'd you know?"

" Oh, you're a cute little kid. All New Yorkers little girls are cute. Hey..wanna hear a song about New York?"

All nodded.

_( upbeat music starts.)_

" There's a state called New York

Which is by the Atantic ocean

It's a big City with no big mess

It has lots of stores

_( Slow, jazzy music) _

And lots of women to caress. . .

Oh I wanna touch you woman

Feel you sexy thighs

I wanna take you to my bed--"

" Um, Yeah, Chef, we get it." Kyle responded, cutting him short, " By the way, wanna sit with us, Kristina.?"

" Sure! " Kristina smiled, as they walked away.

" Oh. Okay..well..anyway..see you later kids." Chew responded, as the five went away.

As they walked past the table where Wendy, Stan's girlfriend, sat with her friends. Wendy saw Kristina pass by and tapped on the arm.

" Hey, new girl. Wanna sit with us?" She invited.

" No way, bitch. Kristina's too cool to sit with you cootie-infested bitches!" Cartman snapped

" I wasn't asking you, I was asking Kristina." Wendy said, sticking her tongue out.

" Well. . They already invited me to sit with them" Kristina said answered, " Maybe next time"

Wendy frowned, but then smiled a small, forced smile.

" Um. Okay. Bye..then. . "

Kristina walked away towards the boys' table while Wendy rolled her eyes and returned back to eating her lunch.

"Heeey Kristina. Welcome to . _. the table_. " Cartman told her when she arrived " You . . May sit next to...uh... Ah you can sit next to Kyyyllllleeee"

Kyle frowned at him as he helplessly blushed. While Kristina sat down, Cartman pointed at him and silently laughed.

" Um..h-hey Kristina." Kyle said nervously, as he stared at his Fried Chicken.

" Hi Kyle. " Kristina said, smiling.

There was then an awkward silence. Stan, Kenny and Cartman stared at Kyle and Kristina while they ate in silence.

" . . Hey. Wanna know something interesting?" Asked Cartman.

The four kids stared at Cartman waiting for an answer.

"...Did you know that Kyle..is a jew?" Cartman asked Kristian, waggling his eyebrows.

Kristina frowned.

"..So?"

"..So..aren't you supposed to beatin' the shit out of him now? His people killed your dad 2,000 years ago!"

" Oh, shut the fuck up, Cartman!" Kyle exclaimed, crossing her arms.

" Yeah, lay off, Cartman " Snapped Stan.

" Kyle likes Krisstttinnaa..Kyle likes Kristtina! " Cartman sang, moving his index fingers back and forth.

Kenny started to laugh as Kyle turned a bright red.

"Anywaaaay..I heard La Taco is closing down!" Stan said, trying to change the subject as Kristina looked over at Kyle.

"..Oh yeah, those mexican speaking spics finally realized they don't belong her."

Kristina looked at Cartman and frowned.

"..Mexican..is NOT a language."

"..Uh..yes it is."

"..Uh, now it's not."

" I SAID YES IT IS, WOMAN! RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH, YOU DAMN STUPID SPIC!"

Kristina got out of her seat and then went over to Cartman.She then jumped on him, both falling to the ground, with Kristina on Cartman. All the kids starting chanting " FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

Kristina was punching Cartman in the face.

" ESTUPIDO, HIJO punch DE UNA punch PUTA! "She screamed, punching him over and over again.

Chef ran over to them and pulled Kristina off Cartman, who had a black eye and a bloody lip and nose. Principle Victoria, ran into the scene.

" What's goin' on--Good lord, Cartman! " She exclaimed, seeing Cartman.

" S-she..she's a monstteeerr!" Cartman wailed,pointing at Kristina.

Principle Victoria crossed her arms.

" Both of you in my office..Now!"

--end.

Coming up, Chapter 2: The dare.


End file.
